What style does the group present?

Is the group pre-organized, procedure-centered, and formal or does it tend to be free flowing, open and informal?

Watch for your reactions to where the group is on these factors and try to find the group that is right for you. Or, if small changes could make the group work for you, stay with the group and, with respect and care­ful thought, make suggestions.

Size has a lot to do with determining how a group is run.

A small group can handle one-on-one discussions more easily than a very large group, but such exchanges have the potential to slide into a "pity party." A pity party occurs when people sit around feeling sorry for themselves. It is not the same as everyone sharing information. A pity party has the potential to lead to depression and pull all members down. This is one outcome you want to avoid.

Once in a great while, a support group leader has a "victim personality" and the group is run from this perspective. This group tends to disappear because people eventually stop coming. The majority of peo­ple who join a support group are not looking to be pulled down, but lifted. Small groups allow for more co-mingling among members. They are like a small family.

As a group gets larger, the needs of the group expand and volunteers are sought out to meet those needs. In ME/CFS and FM many more people just stand back and take from a group than active­ly give to it. What makes self-help support-groups successful is the number of people giving.

If everybody gives a little, then every body gets something.

Insulation is another viable small-group style. It affords the ME/CFS or FM patient a place to go in order to escape the "world at large." The group doesn't really reach out into the community but offers an island oasis to its members.

For a little while each month patients can be accepted with all their limitations, let their guard down and not have to be on top of "information." This style is an emo­tional support system in which members usu­ally want to know only what pertains directly to them now.